New Tutor . . . New Bottle Shop . . . Old Problem

NEW TUTOR
Our regular Chef School tutor, who is surely one of God's Chosen sent from heaven, is away sick for 3 days, so we had a locum tonight. It really threw us. The change in procedure wasn't helped by the locum having a rather strong accent, from Cuba or thereabouts, and a few instructions/ingredients got lost in translation. Like cumin, which turned out to be Chef's favourite spice, and unfortunately sounds a lot like "coming" in a Cuban accent: "I lufff coming, always lots of coming", which of course got no reaction whatsoever from a class already misbehaving like school kids with a relief teacher.

We were gathered around Chef's stove watching a demonstration and I must have looked a little confused or quizzical, because the following conversation was directed at me:

Chef: "Soooo hugh hargue weeth meee?" (That was supposed to be a Cuban accent)
Me (red-faced): "No Chef, certainly not"
Chef: "Whhhy not?"
Me (stuttering now): "Well, I jjjust never would Chef"

Silence. Mexican (or should I say Cuban) standoff.

Classmate: "I think she's asking if you agree with her, not if you argue with her"

Oops. God bless the English language for making two virtually opposite words sound quite similar.


NEW BOTTLE SHOP
Mondays - Wednesdays are normally AAFD's (Attempted Alcohol Free Days), however due to a very busy work day and a more than usually stressful Chef class (quite apart from my Cuban accent faux pas, it's my turn to be Head Chef this week i.e. you have to fetch all the tutor's ingredients, wash their dishes, assign cleaning tasks and mop the floor, in addition to your normal personal cooking/cleaning tasks) I felt the need for a bit of "attitude adjustment" on the OK Bay Bach deck before tackling any of the usual night time household tasks.

It was getting late and I knew my local bottle shop would be closed so I just pulled into anything that was still open (no desperation there eh?).

Bottle Shop Attendant: "Hello love, you look knackered"
Me: "Yes, hard day"
Bottle Shop Attendant: "What do you do for a job then?"

I might point out here that I was still dressed in full chef's uniform: checked trousers, double breasted white jacket, hat, neckerchief, and an apron with curry stains down the front.

Me: "I'm a jockey" (I thought she'd think that was funny, me being rather short)

Bottle Shop Attendant: "Oooh, that must be exciting dear"

FFS.


OLD PROBLEM
You know what I really hate? One of the worst things about living by yourself (or possibly the only worst thing) is stepping out of the shower and realising that your towel is still outside, draped over the deck furniture to dry in the sun, and that it's a good 5 metres to the linen cupboard, past windows with curtains yet to be been drawn, to get a replacement.

I tell you, for a 49 year old I can still move pretty damn quick when I have to.